Facebook like jail. Sit around all day doing lots of nothing writing on walls and if you are not careful you get poked

A boy walks into her room and finds a note on her bed that says: Dear teenage boy, I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can. Signed, A spider

*from a youtube comment -*"Ian Somerhalder is proof that God is a woman"

*that awkward moment when you're thinking of telling your girlfriend/boyfriend to pay back that sh 500 you lent them 2months ago*

Being truly Kenyan: Covering the tv remote with plastic paper (ndio isizeeke)

on your keyboard press F13................................................................ like if you laughed ;)

L.M.A.O.S.H.T.I.F.O.T.F.A.D.B.L.T.W.A.D.A.S.H.B.M.B.T.L.J.B.C.L.E. = Laughing my ass off so hard that I fell on the floor and died but luckily there was a doctor around and so he brought me back to life just before Churchill Live started :)

My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.

REMEMBER When somebody annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. But it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that MOTHERFUCKER.

Do you know *why* the Mona Lisa is ever smiling on that painting? I'm the owner of the hand that is up her skirt!!

Conductor- Tao tao ya mbele! *guys at stage just staring* I say tao tao ya mbele twende! *more blank staring*Haiya hamwingii ndai?sawa ngojeeni ndege inakam saa hii!

Save the planet.Its the only one with beer.

*FACEBOOK's most cruel torture* BOY- Omg ur sooo pretty iz thz yu? tag tag tag! GIRL- Si ujitag

*at 3a.m* BOY-hello, swirry, WA wa Wa GueSS what? GIRL- hello hun, what BOY- OMGG, imagine guess what?! GIRL - whaat? BOY - *sweetvoice* Nimekumiss tu

BOY- you're a virgin at your age? SHIKO-of course, its called s.w.a.g BOY- HA, s.w.a.g wtff?? SHIKO - Something We Agikuyu Got !!

*DAD joined FACEBOOK* Dad : hi my son Son- daad!!? WTF??? Dad-What is WTF? Son- WTF means welcome to facebook daddy!

Did u hear about the blonde that stayed all night to see where the sun went? It finally DAWNED on her

maths teacher. Kijana how many goats do u have at home?! Pupil: 2 sir maths teacher: you're the third!!!

My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight"? I said, "At the first sight of what?"

Asiyefunzwa na mamaye hufunzwa na MAMAWE

Save a duster ths new year.Use a Chelsea Jersey

umoja ni estate utengano ni setboook

When your mum sends your younger bro to buy OMO ya sunlight, Blueband ya prestige Colgate ya everfresh, Royco ya OYO, BIC ya speedo, Jik ya Aqua, eveready ya tiger, vaseline ya valon, jogoo ya soko as if its their brands name

‎80% of Engineering students are suffering from AIDS.Can't belive but its true. If you are one pole.AIDS: Attendence & Internal marks deficiency Syndrome

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria.

ati uko na kichwa kubwa mpaka ukipigwa ngeta unasema, ngoja nishikilie wall tusianguke boss

being truly kenyan--When u have separate utencils to serve the visitors(sahani za wageni hehe)

K.C.S.E candidates unsure of your fate text ua INDEX no. to 2929 and win B+ marks and above. *sms costs ksh 50

Teacher: mtoto wa NGAMIA ni? Student:*shouts out* NGAFIFTY!


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